Letting go is either easy or way too hard, there’s no in-between. This is a short text about gaining consciousness over my limits and letting go.
We, humans, are too afraid of letting go of feelings, people, jobs, objects, whatever. We are afraid of making the wrong decision and sometimes overthink about losing something we never had.
Nostalgia is a sentimental longing for a period in the past. It does this to us, tricks our mind and holds us back. As with all great collages, we highlight what we don’t want to forget. These memories, the nostalgia, the half-lies are sometimes nothing more than cover-ups for our truths. They are a way of always pursuing a happy ending.
There are many kinds of relationships, but they fall into two buckets. The one with ourselves, and the one with the world around us — people, animals, environment, objects. None of those relationships is supposed to last forever.
We are always learning, growing and changing. Our relationship with ourselves mutates with time. Although we are forced to have this single relationship with our bodies and mind, we not always make it a priority. I know I get distracted, but I’m starting to be aware of the clues when that happens.
We protect ourselves with limits or lines to a type of behaviour or event. Some of these lines are cultural and inherited from the people around us. Our family and friends share their wisdom in life with us, so we don’t make the same mistakes. Other limits we draw on our own, from experiencing discomfort, pain or injustice. It’s how we grow.
This concept of limits is present in every little bit of us and how we interpret events. When we have enough distance from them, these lines are sharp. We could see the edges from space.
On the other hand, when we are dancing in the middle of something, those lines get blurred. It feels like we are sitting on a high-speed car with somebody else holding the wheel. You feel a lack of control and get dizzy. Sometimes you just hope that the car eventually slows down instead of stopping suddenly.
Over the last few months, I’ve been feeling like I’m sitting on the passenger seat. It was quite hard for me to notice it.
Although my principles remained the same I twisted and stretched these lines. Looking back, I feel bad, angry with myself. I think about myself as a hypocrite every time I offer a piece of advice to a friend.
Being so close to action made me feel absent, lost and lonely. Everything was a blur. I couldn’t see who I was anymore. I let the ball rolling with the hope something would change. I’ve tried looking for answers, patterns and solutions by myself until I was strong enough to ask for help.
I’m in a better place, more conscious of where I should stand. It’s hard to say goodbye and to respect our limits. It’s also the best thing we can do for the body and mind. This holds true for everything, family, friends, partners and work.
If you feel the need to, say goodbye. I write this for my future self, with care.
“Maybe it’s not about the happy ending. Maybe it’s about the story.”— Albert Camus