I've been thinking about you, dreaming about us, even before we could ever be. Loving you was not a choice.
I want to go on long walks with you, by the river, by the sea. Listen to music together, at home or anywhere. Go to the cinema with you, watch a movie or make our own. Wake up with a hangover by your side. Visit my family with you. I want my nephew to call you aunt or ant. I want to cook with you, for you. I like how anxious I feel watching you cut vegetables. You are clumsy. I want to be there for you, in silence or distracting you with my silliness. I want to make love to you. Sex is better holding with you in my arms. I want to travel alongside you. Skate through Venice Beach and ride a scooter through Vietnam. I want to fight and make peace. I want to laugh at how a clumsy potato you are. My jaw can still feel your unintentional uppercut and my cactus miss your fingers over them. I want to make you laugh and see you smile. I love the way your eyes light up when you are happy. I want you to be my girlfriend. Kiss you before and after sleep. And I want to make your dog love me more than you.
In an age of swipes, likes and follows, luck brought us together. Our friendship grew strong. So many good memories between us made. We had good laughs and our share of late-night snacks. We opened up and listened. We were there for each other. I fell for you, an alluring woman and one of the brightest people I've ever met. You make me smile.
Our short story is full of ups and downs. We are far from being perfect but so close to being perfect for each other. For time and time again, I've fucked up. I've made the same and new mistakes. Feeling sorry is never enough.
I want to stop apologising. I feel like a mess, a walking contradiction wearing some nice white AF1 sneakers.
Change is happening. Every once in a while, I have a hard time knowing myself. My reactions, my words and my behaviour do not match what I am. When it's hard for me to look myself in the mirror, I can't imagine how harder it must be for you to recognise me.
It's hard to ask for understanding when I don't show much of it myself. Relationships start with emotions and feelings. They stand the test of time with effort and work.
I'm a hopeless romantic. I don't believe the "olive theory" because it makes no sense for us and that beautiful tapenade we share every once in a while. I'm a fan of seafood, and you might as well be my 🦞.
It's you and me. We will be ok.